When I was 5 my parents got a call from a hospital in a town they’d never heard of. Their daughter had been working the streets as a prostitute and died from a drug overdose. They’d hoped that she’d come back and get me one day, and after she died they started looking for my dad. They talked to all of her old school friends, but nobody knew of her having had a boyfriend. With my distinctive colouring — fiery red hair and emerald green eyes — it was obvious that I must take after my biological dad (our family was of Scandinavian ancestry and all family photos showed blonde people), but even with that knowledge, it was impossible to find anyone who could possibly have fathered me. I didn’t have to worry about money, my parents had been quite well off, but with no family left and having spent my teenage years caring for mom and dad, I didn’t really have anyone to turn to when they’d passed away. There were no friends who could stop me from isolating myself. Perhaps it wasn’t a surprise. I ll never know.He loved us the way he could, I guess we did the same too. But, but, but as long as I m alive, I wish we could have been better dad-son. Wish I was stupider. Wish I could enjoy TV along with him, or be there every day making life for him, or I was never born so he could spare the time he spent on me and did what he enjoyed most a more. I will never know.I have regrets, now that he is dead. I had them when he was alive. I think I tried to live his life for him. I backed out frequently allowing him freedom to chose, he didn't.Maybe that was his choice.My mom was a piece of art. I thought she was stupider. But she could listen. We told her everything. She had lots and lots of friends. Getting to a strange place, u'd expect her to make a few friends within minutes. People talked to her. She could have been a super therapist. Never did she tell them that she knew better. Whenever I confronted her, she d put a sordid face.' ... but I m stupid.' Till this day we never talked.
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